I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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