do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
