I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
