I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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