Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
