Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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