True but thats because hes a fetus.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
