seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
