My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
