Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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