Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
