My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
All I want is dick and wine.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
