so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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