Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's always time for handjobs
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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