My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
