Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
