you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
