you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
