Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
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I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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