Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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