thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
