So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
These tits shall not be calmed
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
