Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
