Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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