Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
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I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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