Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
