i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
