She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
