he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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