i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
