I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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