we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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