she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
