Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i barfeds in our rink
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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