I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
