She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
