My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
