no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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