State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
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He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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