I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
