she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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