Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
