I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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