you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
