Farmville is her only friend.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
