my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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