It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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