I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
