I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
