Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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