So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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