Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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