ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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