new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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