The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
