Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
