I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
