I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
