i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
