1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
