Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
