I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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