I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
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im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
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When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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