all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
