I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
