Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
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Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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