I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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