threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
