Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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