why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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