put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
