My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
