Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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